“Wanting to end anxiety is its ever-renewing cause”

“Fear is the raw feeling generated by the ego’s struggle to stave off oblivion. To awaken, your awareness must penetrate to the deepest levels of your fear, to your core, and disidentify from all selfing.

As you meditate into your core emotions, they become more empty, vulnerable, and obscure. Emptier states reflect energy liberated by profound unknowing, the most raw or “naked” of which is the pure, undiluted fear of death, or terror. People want to be liberated from this core terror and the garden variety anxiety on its surface but proceed in the wrong way by avoiding it. Paradoxically, wanting to end anxiety is its ever-renewing cause. Seeing anxiety for what it is without trying to get rid of it ends it. Try to be with it fully without grasping or avoidance. Stay with it. Feel it so clearly and profoundly that it dissolves into Formlessness.

Terror defines selfing: a feeling of existence we assume is real, similar to a constant stomach cramp whose cause we never question because it has always been there. We try to get rid of it by resisting it, but this strengthens it and keeps it going because it is caused by resistance. We think that we have to resist fear to get rid of it, but instead we must accept it. Resistance strengthens it, and radical acceptance destroys it. To find Freedom, you must investigate the terror in your experience fully, accepting what you find there all the way down to the root.”

-James Wood, Ten Paths to Freedom

Rumination, women and men

“Positive information isn’t as crucial to immediate survival as it is to long-term survival. Noticing that the river has fresh, clean water is important, especially if you’re thirsty or deciding on a place to camp, but there’s not the same urgency to act on these data. Thus, our brains give less time and attention to positive than to negative information… We tend to take the positive for granted while focusing on the negative as if our life depended on it…

Rumination about negative events in the past leads to depression, while rumination about potentially negative events in the future leads to anxiety…

Research indicates that women are much more likely to ruminate than men, which helps explain why women suffer from depression and anxiety about twice as often as men. Although some of these gender differences may be physiological in origin, culture also plays a role. Because women have historically had less power in society than men, they’ve had less control over what happens to them and have therefore had to be more vigilant for danger.”

From Self-Compassion, by Kristin Neff

Adi Da, Trust

“Fear is only the reflection of the holding on”

“Fear is only our reading…the mood reflected in our contraction, our recoil from infinity, our attempts to survive, our narcissism. If instead of holding on – to mind and emotion and body and relations and the world itself – we release it all, there is no fear whatsoever.

Fear is only the reflection of the holding on.”

-Adi Da, The Religion of the Whole Body, 1977

Who am I?

“You will know who you are when your memory

no longer describes you.”

-Vernon Howard  1500 Ways to Escape the Human Jungle # 1354

The Primary Components, by Franklin Merrell Wolff

The Primary Components:

1. Cultivate interest in that which is most universal and least affected by the wearing of time.
2. Cultivate a feeling and practice of brotherhood in the most universal sense possible.
3. Subordinate personal self-interest to impersonal and general interests.
4. Cultivate detachment.
5. Lay the primary emphasis upon integrating principles rather than upon the differentia of things

- Franklin Merrell Wolff

“It is attachment that destroys all love”

“Drop the idea that attachment and love are one thing.
They are enemies. It is attachment that destroys all love.
If you feed, if you nourish attachment, love will be destroyed;
if you feed and nourish love, attachment will fall away by itself.
They are not one; they are two separate entities, and antagonistic to each other.”    

- Osho

“The heart says only one thing…”

“Believing that what you want equals what’s best for you is a dead end. It makes the mind stiff, inflexible, caught in a picture of reality rather than open to the wisdom of the way of it…

The heart doesn’t move, it just waits. You don’t have to listen to it, but until you do you’re going to hurt. And the heart says only one thing: What Is, is.”

 - Byron Katie, A Thousand Names for Joy

Love

“Love demands more than we can do on our own. Love makes us surrender. More than a feeling, love is the very basis of all that is and the most sacred bond that two human beings can share. Love is the safest and scariest place to be. It erodes our weaknesses and our strengths, turning them into each other.”

- James Wood

♥  Happy Valentine’s Day!  ♥

Contradictions a Creative Doorway, by Osho

“When the mind becomes inoperable, that is the moment when the heart starts functioning… when the mind closes up shop, immediately the doors of your heart start opening.”   -Osho

“You need not become convinced of anything except that you are suffering a contracted state of existence.”

Adi Da Samraj:

“You must trust the process of your own life, whether it is to go mad, to become ill, to work, to succeed, or to die. Be free of fear. Surrender to the Person of God, the actual Living God. Trust the Divine altogether. Give yourself up emotionally to God. Do it to the point that the physically based fear of death vanishes on the basis of trust alone…

Allow life to be the theatre of God, in which what seems to be appropriate and necessary in your case will be accomplished spontaneously. Allow all of life to be Gods business. Whatever arises, high or low, such a life will simply be surrendering to the point of happiness, giving up to God completely…

You do not really need to know all the technicalities of yoga and the cosmic subtleties of the higher planes of the phenomenal worlds. You need not know anything. You need not become convinced of anything except that you are suffering a contracted state of existence. Feel the force of that contraction, its emotional force, its physical force. Feel the quality of contraction and realize that it is your own action. Realize that you can exist in a totally different condition merely by recognizing your own separative activity and transcending it in each moment.”

Osho, on Love

Why is it easy to Love my work but not a human being? 

Osho : ”It is easy to be a sculptor because you are working with lifeless objects. You can create beautiful statues but those statues are dead. You cannot relate with them, you are alive. There is no dialogue possible between life and death.

You can appreciate; you can enjoy; it is your creation. You can feel fulfilled — whatever you wanted, you succeeded in doing it. But remember one thing: on the other side, there is no one. You are alone.

Because of this situation, there are people who can love their dogs, who can love their gardens, who can love their cars, who can love anything in the world except man. Because man means you are not alone, the other is there. It is a dialogue. With a statue, it is a monologue. The statue is not going to say anything, is not going to criticize you, is not going to possess you. You possess the statue; you can sell it in the market. But that you cannot do with a human being. That is the problem.

When you start relating with human beings, you have to take into consideration that they are not things, they are consciousnesses. You cannot dominate them…although almost everybody is trying to do that, and spoiling their whole life. The moment you try to dominate a human being, you are creating an enemy, because that human being also wants to dominate. You may call it love, you may call it friendship, but behind the curtain of friendship and love and brotherhood there is a deep will to power. You want to dominate; you don’t want to be dominated.

With human beings, you will be in constant conflict. The closer you are, the more the conflict will hurt you. There are thousands of people who have been so wounded by human relationship that they have dropped out of all human love, friendship. They have turned towards things. It is easier: the other party is always willing, whatsoever you want to do.

You are an artist, you sculpt. But have you ever thought about what you are doing? You are cutting chunks of the marble — that you cannot do to a human being, but people are doing that to human beings too. Parents are cutting their children’s wings, their freedom, their individuality. Lovers are cutting each other continuously.

To be in love with a human being is not an easy affair. The love affair is the most difficult affair in the world for the simple reason that two consciousnesses, two alive beings, cannot tolerate any kind of slavery.

To love a human being is one of the most difficult things in the world because the moment you start showing your love, the other starts going on a power trip. He knows you are dependent on him or on her. You can be enslaved psychologically and spiritually and nobody wants to be a slave. But all your human relationships turn into slavery.

No statue will make you a slave. On the contrary, the statue makes you a master craftsman, it makes you a creator, an artist. There is no conflict. The real test for love is with human beings.

A man is really intelligent if he can make a human relationship work smoothly. It needs great insight. Creating a statue or making a beautiful painting is one thing — those paints won’t say, “I don’t want to be put on this corner of the canvas, I simply refuse!” Wherever you want it, the paint is available. But it is not so easy with human beings.

Every human being has a birthright not to be dominated by anyone — but also a birth duty not to try to dominate anyone. And only then, friendship can flower.

Love needs a clarity of vision. Love needs a cleaning of all kinds of ugly things which are in your mind: jealousy, anger, the desire to dominate.

Love is a new phenomenon that has arisen with human consciousness. You will have to learn it.

Creating beautiful paintings, poetries, sculpture, music, dances — that is all in your hands. But when you come into contact with a human being, you have to understand that on the other side is the same kind of consciousness. You have to give respect and dignity to the person you love. This is the reason why you cannot relate with human beings.

Forget about human beings and love — you simply meditate. That will release in you the insight, the vision, the clarity, and the energy to share.

Love is another name of sharing your abundant energy. You have too much, you are burdened with it. You would like to share it with people you like. Your love — what you call love — is not a sharing, it is a snatching.

You will have to change the meaning of love. It is not something that you are trying to get from the other. And this has been the whole history of love — everybody is trying to get it from the other, as much as possible. Both are trying to get, and naturally, nobody is getting anything. Love is not something to get. Love is something to give. But you can give only when you have it. Do you have love in you? Have you ever asked this question? Sitting silently, have you ever observed? Do you have any love energy to give?

You don’t have; neither has anybody else. Then you get caught in a love relationship. Both are pretenders, pretending that they are going to give you the very paradise. Both are trying to convince each other that “Once you get married to me, a thousand Arabian nights will be forgotten — our nights, our days will all be golden.”

But you don’t know that you don’t have anything to give. All these things you are saying just to get. And the other is doing the same. Once you are married, then there is going to be trouble because both will be waiting for a thousand Arabian nights and not even an Indian night is happening! Then there is an anger, a rage which slowly, slowly becomes poisonous.

Love turning into hate is a very simple phenomenon, because everyone feels betrayed. You show one face at the beach, in the movie hall, on the dance floor. It is perfectly okay for half an hour or one hour sitting on the beach, holding each other’s hands, dreaming about the beautiful life that is ahead of you. But once you are married, all that you have been expecting, dreaming, will start evaporating.

Meditate. Become more and more silent, quiet, calm. Let a serenity arise in you. That will help you in a thousand and one ways…not only in love, it will also help you to create better sculpture. Because a man who cannot love human beings — how can he create? What can he create? A loveless heart cannot be authentically creative. He can imitate, but he cannot create.All creation is out of love, understanding, silence.

Excerpted from Sermons in Stones/Courtesy Osho International Foundation/

What is meditation?

True Meditation by Adyashanti   True meditation has no direction, goals, or method. All methods aim at achieving a certain state of mind. All states are limited, impermanent and conditioned. Fascination with states leads only to bondage and dependency. True meditation is abidance as primordial consciousness.   True meditation appears in consciousness spontaneously when awareness is not fixated on objects of perception. When you first start to meditate, you notice that awareness is always focused on some object: on thoughts, bodily sensations, emotions, memories, sounds, etc. This is because the mind is conditioned to focus and contract upon objects. Then the mind compulsively interprets what it is aware of (the object) in a mechanical and distorted way. It begins to draw conclusions and make assumptions according to past conditioning.   In true meditation all objects are left to their natural functioning. This means that no effort should be made to manipulate or suppress any object of awareness. In true meditation the emphasis is on being awareness; not on being aware of objects, but on resting as primordial awareness itself. Primordial awareness (consciousness) is the source in which all objects arise and subside.   As you gently relax into awareness, into listening, the mind’s compulsive contraction around objects will fade. Silence of being will come more clearly into consciousness as a welcoming to rest and abide. An attitude of open receptivity, free of any goal or anticipation, will facilitate the presence of silence and stillness to be revealed as your natural condition.   Silence and stillness are not states and therefore cannot be produced or created. Silence is the non-state in which all states arise and subside. Silence, stillness and awareness are not states and can never be perceived in their totality as objects. Silence is itself the eternal witness without form or attributes.   As you rest more profoundly as the witness, all objects take on their natural functionality, and awareness becomes free of the mind’s compulsive contractions and identifications. It returns to its natural non-state of Presence.   The simple yet profound question “Who Am I?” can then reveal one’s self not to be the endless tyranny of the ego-personality, but objectless Freedom of Being — Primordial Consciousness in which all states and all objects come and go as manifestations of the Eternal Unborn Self that YOU ARE.   © 1999 Adyashanti. All rights reserved.

The experiment, Franklin Merrell-Wolff

The following is an excerpt from Franklin Merrell-Wolff‘s record of Transformation in the volume Experience and Philosophy. Franklin Merrell-Wolff studied for approximately 25 years before he attained Realization, in 1936. For me,  his writing from the time of his Transition is extremely powerful, intellectually challenging and compassionate. It has helped me very, very much. Today, I feel inspired by this passage:

“Again and again I found the statement that, if a man would attain the transcendent  realization, he must renounce all, and not merely part, of what he personally is. I did not find this an easy step to consummate. For years I resisted it, offering part of myself, yet holding back a certain reserve. During all this time, I realized only imperfect and unsatisfactory results, and often regretted the experiment. But it was not long before I found that I had gone too far to turn back. I had realized enough to render forever barren the old pastures, and yet not enough to know either peace or satisfaction. For some years, I rested in this position of indecision, without achieving much visible progress. Yet meanwhile, as time rolled on, progressive exhaustion of the world-desire developed, while concomitantly there grew a greater willingness to abandon all that had been reserved and so complete the experiment.”

- Franklin Merrell-Wolff. from “A Mystical Unfoldment” in Experience and Philosophy. 1994. p. 253

Diligence

From The Way of the Bodhisattva by Shantideva

Chapter 7:

2

Diligence means joy in virtuous ways.

Its contraries have been defined as laziness,

An inclination for unwholesomeness,

Defeatism and self-contempt.

3

A taste for idle pleasure

And a craving for repose and sleep,

No qualms about the sorrows of samsara:

Laziness indeed is born of these.

“Too busy is only speech. Only a lazy mind says “I have no time to practice.” When you wake up, if you can practice even for ten minutes, no problem. But if you say, “I am busy, I cannot do that,” that’s lazy mind. If someone says to you, “If you don’t do one hundred and eight bows tomorrow, I will kill you,” then tomorrow morning you will do one hundred and eight bows.”

-Zen Master Seung Sahn. One Person’s Energy Helps All People  1 March 1989

The Joy of Negation | James Wood Teachings

New article on James Wood’s blog:  The Joy of Negation

“Ingrained in most people is the idea that value is obtained by getting and having; but the only way to attain the supreme Value is through giving and letting go.”    -James Wood

Confusion

“The mind resists perceived injustice because it wants to make things better. It judges some things as insufficient, so it strains against them in order to improve them. This doesn’t work. This just adds to the confusion and misery in your life.”

 -James Wood

Adyashanti, ‘Relationship with thought’

In spite of it all

“People are so used to having their own way, they get stunned
and they get distressed when something higher than themselves
tries to have its way with them. And that, by the way, is what
Truth, Reality is always trying to do, which is to dislodge
you from your own life so that it can give you what it has
prepared for you.

But human beings being what they are always insist, in
spite of all the evidence, in spite of all the grief they
suffer, they always insist that they are right.”

from a talk given 3/6/1987
Vernon Howard‘s Higher World – MP3 CD Volume 10, talk 233

Shock

“Authentic growth toward happiness comes by _taking shocks
with awareness_. Let’s see what this means.

When we are faced with an unwanted truth, we are shocked.
If we resist the blow by repressing it or denying it, we
cannot learn from it, in fact, we are worse off than before.
But if we are aware of the blow, we can see its cause in
the clash between what is true and what we falsely claim
is true. Our willing exposure of our falseness wins release
from its pain.”

~Vernon Howard, Pathways to Perfect Living, p. 97

“There are many fierce moments in any one life span: times of turmoil, upheaval, challenge, and change. These fierce moments of grace are in many ways the most spiritually important moments of our lives.”

~ Adyashanti, FIERCE GRACE, Awakening in the Midst of Turmoil

Courage

 

“Real courage consists of repeatedly leaping beyond surface personality even while fearing to do so, until all fear vanishes.”

- Vernon Howard. 1500 Ways to Escape the Human Jungle, # 484

The hero’s journey, fear, melancholy and courage

This is a treat!

It’s an audio interview, recorded just a few days ago on Hay House radio, with Richard Moss and two individuals who call in to talk to him. I found it to be very powerful. Richard talks about the hero’s journey, fear, courage and the real meaning of melancholy. I hope you enjoy and benefit from listening as much as I did.

Notes to self

Things to keep in mind, from Vernon Howard:

“You need only one prayer to cover every difficulty in life.
That prayer is, ‘I pray to see more.’”

-A Treasury of Trueness, # 1338

“Healing fails to occur simply because it is much easier to
injure others than to heal oneself.”

-1500 Ways to Escape the Human Jungle, # 820

“The questioning of presently-held viewpoints is an absolute
necessity for self-transformation. It means that you must go
against your old and familiar ways of thinking.”

-The Power Of Your Supermind, p. 115

“Turn away from society’s artificial wisdom to the real
intelligence of your recovered essence.”

-1500 Ways to Escape the Human Jungle, # 907

“Don’t give neurotic people a reward. When you permit them to
upset you, you are giving them a reward.”

-A Treasury of Trueness, # 1073

Stargazing

“In order to illustrate a basic truth about life, ancient philosophers told a story about the astronomer and the stars. The astronomer habitually took an evening stroll outside the city to gaze at the starry heavens. While lost in stargazing, he fell into a well. His cries for help brought rescuers on the run. One of them advised, ‘It is better to see your very next step than to lose yourself in skies you do not as yet understand.”

- Vernon Howard, The Esoteric Path to a New Life, p. 46

You don’t do guilt, do you?

A couple weeks ago, a client who had been having trouble booking an appointment for bodywork said this to me: ‘you don’t do guilt, do you? ’cause I’m really good at guilt, and it doesn’t seem to be effecting you.’

We laughed. I thought, well, you don’t know me very well!

Then I realized, in that scenario, it did not even occur to me to feel guilty. I didn’t apologize over and over for not being more available. I sat there, trusting that he was having the experience he needed to have, including the experience of not being able to book an appointment when he wanted to.

He got to see that when things did not go his way, the frustration showed up as bodily tension, and that insight was useful, maybe especially useful combined with the bodywork. And I got to see that while I still ‘do guilt’ plenty, I do it a little less than I used to, which is cool.

Forget all about sin and forget all about saintliness; both are stupid. Both together have destroyed all the joys of humanity. The sinner is feeling guilty, hence his joy is lost. How can you enjoy life if you are continuously feeling guilty? If you are continuously going to the church to confess that you have done this wrong and that wrong? And wrong and wrong and wrong… your whole life seems to be made of sins. How can you live joyously? It becomes impossible to delight in life. You become heavy, loaded. Guilt sits on your chest like a rock, it crushes you; it does not allow you to dance. How can you dance? How can guilt dance? How can guilt sing? How can guilt love? How can guilt live? So the one who thinks he is doing something wrong is guilty, burdened, dead before death, has already entered into the grave.

-Ohso, from Take it Easy, Vol. 1, Chp. 3

The cost of Awakening

In this very intimate radio interview, John de Ruiter speaks about:

• the high cost of Awakening
• self-enhancing awakening experiences and self-annihilating Realization
• Needing to secure Awakening for yourself and in yourself is the mechanism that’s in the way

The interviewer shares her own experience and asks good questions. This is the second part of a two part interview:

 

Your comments?

The ‘reliably stressful situation’

Byron Katie has a new ‘Judge-Your-Neighbor worksheet’ on her site. In The Work, value judgments about other people and stressful situations are the starting point for inquiry. The ‘argument with Reality’ is identified, exposed and teased apart.

Katie warns against trying to answer the questions in an abstract way. Inquiry is not theory, it’s practice. It’s not flattering. I’ve been avoiding it for a while, but I did some yesterday and it felt good.

When it comes to freedom from dissatisfaction, it’s vital to actually investigate what bothers us – the petty complaints, minor irritations and mild frustrations. (Note: If nothing bothers you, or if you are ok with being bothered by what bothers you, great. This won’t be useful to you.)

With the new worksheet, Katie asks us to question a ‘reliably stressful situation’. This is where the rubber meets the road.

It has to be tried, it cannot be understood from a distance.

Judge your neighbor worksheet, going deeper

Katie explains the work, audio clip

‘Do it for the love of truth,’ Katie says.

Where I’m stuck

So the last couple posts were about noticing the tendency to get stuck in unquestioned conceptual -isms. I started to reflect on James’ question: “Who would you be without any positions or beliefs at all?” And it took me to where I’m stuck, conceptually-personally.

(stepping into blog-confessional booth)

Ok, I’m stuck on a story that has become a well formulated, intricate system of concepts and beliefs about reality. The details are: Love. Loss. That’s where I’m stuck. It often feels like I’m not stuck, but then it snags me again – a reminder, a dream.

My religion (as Byron Katie puts it), is the story – it shouldn’t have happened the way it happened, I messed it up, things should be different now – it’s so epic, so tragic, blah, blah, blah.

Entertaining the story about what I should have done is painful, like stumbling into this agave plant. It really, really hurts. But who would I be without that conceptual framework? It’s scary to let go of the familiar, so every once in a while I find myself remembering, retelling, regretting, missing… missing the point.

It’s painful.

Can you relate?

More -isms

Following up on the last post, I wanted to share these excerpts from The Path of Awakening, on nihilism and atheism:

Nihilism is the rejection of everything but rejection. It has no stance – except the stance of having no stance.

Being for or against ideas is just another idea. We are free when we no longer derive a sense of self from being for or against anything. When you have no views, even the view of having no views, you are truly free.

Both attachment and rejection mire you more deeply in sleep.

Find what is false in yourself. If you do this deeply enough, you will wake yourself up from this nightmare of conformity and nonconformity and find Something Else. This is not a religion.

Atheists have a god and that is the god of having no god. Who would you be without any positions or beliefs at all?

-James Wood Stelzenmuller. The Path of Awakening (2007) p.265-266

What do you think?

-isms

Adyashanti:

“If you filter my words through any tradition or ‘-ism’, you will miss altogether what I am saying. The liberating truth is not static; it is alive. It cannot be put into concepts and be understood by the mind. The truth lies beyond all forms of conceptual fundamentalism. What you are is the beyond – awake and present, here and now already. I am simply helping you to realize that.”

I like this term ‘conceptual fundamentalism’ because it catches all of us.

What concepts am I religiously attached to? What do I argue? Am I stuck in anti-ism-ism? What’s beyond the -isms?

Reflections on meeting the Teacher

I had been practicing Zen for a few years. Many of the folks I sat zazen with had been at it for decades and thinking about that terrified me.

When I heard from a friend that James was ‘awake’ – as in, enlightened, free of dukkha – I had to check it out. Could it be? Some guy, living, not far away, but across town, in Tucson, Arizona, had done what it seemed so impossible to do? I was all doubt, skepticism and Zen-snobbery.

I had to meet him. I had questions.

The rest is history, you could say. Things sped up.

Shortly after I started working with James, an answer to the Mu koan appeared. I had been chewing on that one, and giving ridiculous attempts at answers to my Zen teacher, for about 3 years. I started to see more translation of in-zazen-realizations into the rest of life.

For me, teachers of spiritual awakening are access points, way-pointers, nudging me toward what’s possible. James’ perspective and friendship help keep me going in the right direction, like the breadcrumbs that lead out of the deep dark forest.

Here is a beautiful piece in which Richard Moss writes about meeting Franklin Merrell-Wolff.

Joel S. Goldsmith on the function of the spiritual master:

In some religious teachings, there are those known as masters, just as in ancient days Jesus was called Master. A master is one who has achieved some measure of spiritual freedom, which means some measure of nonattachment to the things and thoughts of the world. People often get the idea, however, that the function of a master is to take over another’s mind and life and to govern and manage them for that person, but a master is one to whom a person can go and through whose help and co-operation he can be lifted up into a state of spiritual consciousness and discernment where he himself realizes the Master in his own consciousness. The Master is not a man: the Master is a state of unfolded and developed consciousness.

– Joel S. Goldsmith. The World is New (1997).

Allowing vulnerability

This is a talk by research professor Brene Brown, of the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. Brown studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. The talk is about twenty minutes, good and funny.

In listening, I was struck by the transformational potential of curiosity, vulnerability and courage – it takes a strong dose of all three for us to question our carefully constructed identities.

I appreciate what Brown says about numbing emotion, that we can’t selectively numb out the bad feelings without also numbing ourselves to good feelings.

 

Quest

Recently I discovered the work of Imants Baruss. I’ve learned a lot from his approach to the (maybe carefully hidden or deliberately ignored) questions about the meaning of life that lots of us go around with.

Baruss suggests a systematic research orientation to investigating consciousness. He describes how Franklin-Merrell Wolff’s intense desire to know the truth, by way of philosophy and mathematics, resulted in his Realization.

I’ll quote this description of religious orientations, from Science as a Spiritual Practice, because I think it’s useful:

Those who have an extrinsic orientation to their religious practice are interested in its utilitarian aspects and use religion as needed to serve their own ends. Those with an intrinsic religious orientation actually believe the doctrines of their religion and view religion as a framework for living their lives (Allport & Ross, 1967). There is a third orientation, quest, which is characterized by an open-ended and self-critical exploration of existential questions. Those with a quest orientation regard religious doubt as positive and resist reducing the complexity of life (Bateson, Schoenrade, &Ventis, 1982/1993; Hood, Spilka, Hunsberger, & Gorsuch, 1996).

-Baruss (2007). Science as a Spiritual Practice. p. 33

I don’t know why, but quest is my orientation. The other orientations aren’t bad, or wrong – maybe life would be easier if I could chill out in one of them… But there’s no going back.

The quest orientation is terrifying and thrilling and unpredictable. The person with a quest orientation won’t stop, won’t be able to. She doesn’t see an end to inquiry. She will contradict herself. She will doubt everything, she will even doubt doubting everything.

What about you? What’s your orientation?

Pondering authenticity

Recently it was suggested to me that maybe I have become so overly acquainted with the words of my Teachers that I don’t know what to think for myself anymore.

Hmm. Maybe so. I do often feel ridiculous when I talk about truth and consciousness. I read and think about it. I blog about it. I trust that it’s possible to transcend the pairs of opposites and from there, to truly be of service. I have the conviction that comes from personally knowing someone who lives It.

What does it mean for me to think for myself if ‘myself’ is un-findable, socially constructed, fluid-not-fixed? Am I inauthentic when I rely on my Teachers as a navigational system, when I repeat what I have studied?

Ironically, I had to turn to someone other than myself to help me think about thinking for myself!

In Science as a Spiritual Practice, and Authentic Knowing, Imantus Baruss* explores concerns of the truth seeker, who wants, above all else, to not find herself replacing one belief system with another – thereby inhibiting her ability to recognize truth itself.

I’m afriad of: being religious, collapsing into a comforting belief system that I mistake for reality, being intellectually inflexible, interpreting everything and everyone through the filter of a theory I do not see to question.

Does taking guidance from a spiritual Teacher look like I’m doing all the things I’m afraid of? Here is what happened: When I met James, I checked it out for a while, then, eventually, I realized the searching part was over. Everything sped up and kicked into high gear. For me, it doesn’t feel like religious belief.** The relationship feels like mentor-ship or apprenticeship, I trust James as an adviser and friend.

In any pursuit, it is important to have contact with people who have done what you are trying to do. It brings the goal closer – in addition to reading about it, you can ask the person questions about how they got there, and what it’s like to be there. The relationship is the teaching. The goal starts to seem less exotic and impossible.

Working with a true Teacher requires healthy integration of the whole person. The intellect is not shut down, but put to good use. In other words, I have to think for myself, even when I don’t really want to! The relationship itself demands authenticity.

…

*I highly recommend Baruss‘ books, especially if you:

• are an academic doing research of any kind
• are interested in consciousness, from a scientific and/or spiritual perspective
• have had unusual experiences that cannot be explained by science
• are skeptical and/or curious about self-transformation
• have concerns about authenticity in your pursuit of transformation

 

Not getting caught

“When your attention moves into the Now, there is an alertness. It is as if you were waking up from a dream, the dream of thought, the dream of past and future. Such clarity, such simplicity. No room for problem-making.”

– Eckhart Tolle, Stillness Speaks

What is social activism?

Down at the university, social activism is a typical topic of class discussions. War and fighting metaphors are used – a mindset that says anger and violence could get us to equality and peace.

Nel Noddings, an educational philosopher I like, says: “I am concerned with reducing the tendency to project evil onto others not only to exteriorize and then destroy it, but also to deny its presence in ourselves.” This is useful.

The tendency to exteriorize evil lives in the language about social ills: What is society? What is the institution? Where are the power structures? Who are the oppressors? All of these words refer to -  a lot of individuals.

So what can we do, what is truly useful and possible for us to accomplish, as individuals? Societal horrors, injustices and pains are very real. What do teachers of awakening suggest is the cure?

James Wood:

Social activism is a form of love in action. If you base your activism in a value judgment – e.g., that the world is “messed up” – you will only create more pain in the world.

As far as social activism is concerned, just liberate yourself and trust what happens. Human rights arise from the true heart of all morality, the conscious human being. The more awake you are in the world, the more just, righteous, and fair your actions are. Anger does not produce positive social change. Liberation does. Anger just makes you harder, meaner and more afraid. Negativity in any form is not necessary for vigorous action that, in its own way, subverts an unjust social order.

- The Path of Awakening (2007) p. 110

Vernon Howard:

If you straighten yourself out, if you are no longer putting out hostility or deception, then you are putting out something that is helpful, therefore that is the only thing you can do to help society… Your anger is the cause of war.

-The Esoteric Path to a New Life MP3 CD, “A revealing interview with Vernon Howard”

Byron Katie:

Just as we use stress and fear to motivate ourselves to make money, we often rely on anger and frustration to move us to social activism. If I want to act sanely and effectively while I clean up the earth’s environment, let me begin by cleaning up my own environment. All the trash and pollution in my thinking- let me clean that up, by meeting it with love and understanding. Then my action can become truly effective. It takes just one person to help the planet. That one is you.

-Loving What Is (2003) p. 107-108 and here is an additional excerpt on activism from A Thousand Names for Joy (2007)

Franklin Merrell-Wolff:

This view is not merely altruism in the usual meaning of the word, for in the latter sense, altruism involves a difference between one’s own self and others… I Recognize more in every man’s Recognition. I am delayed by every man’s failure. Every new facet opened by another individual man breaking through is a new facet awakened in My understanding. Thus, from this standpoint, the duality of selfishness and altruism is destroyed.

-Experience and Philosophy (1994) p.91

I’d love to hear your take on this!

*Quote from:  Noddings, N. (2005) The Challenge to Care in Schools: An Alternative Approach to Education. Teachers College Press.

Franklin Merrell Wolff, on Divinity

The Meaning of Divinity

Clearly, what I mean by Divinity is a somewhat that is quite impersonal. Yet, this somewhat can be directly Realized by the function of Introception. When so Realized, it is found to be quite the most intimate of all thi…ngs. It is the fulfillment of all the deep yearnings of the human heart and it illumines the mind with a Light that is far more brilliant than any light of the intellect, operating either in its purity or in relation to experience.

-Franklin Merrell-Wolff

Description or Value Judgment?

James Wood writes in a direct, straightforward way about freedom from dissatisfaction in The Path of Awakening. He introduces a language for speaking/thinking/communicating about awakening that I find to be clear and useful. The book is best read from the beginning to the end because the concepts build on each other in a useful, purposeful progression.

I quote from The Path of Awakening often here on my blog, which takes pieces of the text out of the context of that building progression… So while I hope it is useful to highlight significant concepts here, I do recommend reading/studying the book, if you haven’t already. This is from the Honesty chapter:

A description and a value judgment are not the same thing. If I see a cup on the table, the statement “The cup is on the table,” is an accurate description of my experience, a basic truth. If I say, “The cup shouldn’t be on the table. It should be in the dishwasher,” I am making a value judgment, because I am implying that my experience should be other than it is now or would be better if something else were happening. This is also true if I say “The cup is ugly,” “You’re an idiot for owning such an ugly cup,” or “I hate myself for being so carefless as to leave a cup out on the table again.” A value judgment implies that comething is wrong or bad about my experience. In this case, the badness or wrongness – the “shouldn’t be-ness” – can be attributed to the cup, to its owner, or to myself. You can judge anything or anyone for any reason. Descriptions are useful because they convey information about the world. Value judgments are confusing because they conflict with Reality. Notice the difference.

James Wood Stelzenmuller, The Path of Awakening (2007) p. 19

Imaginary diabetes

The other day I remembered one of the imaginary scenarios that my sisters and I used to play – diabetes camp. The scene was based on a very simple understanding -  we knew diabetes has something to do with sugar.  So we pretended we were very sick kids with diabetes. We put little candies and something that must have resembled a needle, in old metal band-aid boxes.

Every once in a while at the camp, someone would ‘crash’ and hit the floor cause their blood sugar dropped. Then someone else would rush over and give her some candy to revive her.

Basically, the whole thing was a complicated way for us to eat candy.

In adult life it’s the same, I suggest. We imagine complicated dramatic obstacles to just eating the candy.  Some examples:  I’ll be happy when… I’d be satisfied if something else were happening… If I didn’t feel this, I’d be at peace… etc.

Perhaps awareness of the obstacle as imaginary has fallen away. Can you feel now that it’s all pretend?

Problems?

Ultimately, there is no such thing as a problem. The mind generates the appearance of problems to maintain a sense of self. Practically speaking, a problem is a painful situation. The only way out of a painful situation is to take appropriate action. This does not require value judgment and stress. Conscious action dissolves judgment and relieves stress.

-James Wood Stelzenmuller, The Path of Awakening 2007, p.88

More straight talk from Vernon Howard

This is from today’s Vernon Howard ‘Secrets of Life’ email.

Everything works to your advantage as you do what must be done. You may not see this at first, in fact, you may feel that you are losing instead of gaining. __This loss is your gain.__ See this! Your present life goes the way it does because you have certain ideas about it. Well, honestly, what kind of life is it?  If the life is wrong, the ideas in back of it are also wrong, so they must go. It is the loss of the harmful familiar that you feel. Don’t love the familiar just because it seems comfortable. Love whatever is beyond the familiar, which is true love.

-Vernon Howard, Esoteric Mind Power, p. 153

Thy will be done

All is well-

all is righteous-

and marvelously beautiful and lovable as IT IS.

Why ask that it may be different?

Why even pray that ‘Thy Will be done’ -

The Will is ever being done in the divine Swa-lila.

Rejoice in gratitude -

and endure patiently what you cannot enjoy.

-Sunyata Emanuel Sorenson

Immeasurable Reality

For class this week we read Ludwik Fleck’s Genesis and Development of a Scientific Fact, the work which heavily influenced Thomas Kuhn’s The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Fleck writes of thought collectives, Kuhn of paradigms. Followed a very interesting class discussion on truth, fact and consciousness.

I find that good work, like the above mentioned, is influential because it creates doubt…. and where there is doubt – compassion, wonder and humility can arise. For me, the most important readings, ideas and teachers in my life, are those that have urged me to continuously and rigorously question what I assume, believe or think is true.

Here is a passage from Adyashanti, from ‘Immeasurable Reality’

Truth refers to the whole of existence and beyond. Truth exists as much in your teacup as it does in your temples and churches. Truth is as present in shopping for your groceries as it is in chanting to God. To think of truth only in spiritual or religious terms is to miss the whole of it, for in doing so you create the boundaries and divisions that are the very antithesis of truth.

Truth is an immeasurable reality not at all separate from your own being. For in the revelation of truth, all beings rest within your being. Put more simply, if you cannot find it now underfoot, I’m afraid that you have missed it entirely.

© Adyashanti 2009

Psycho-Pictography

Sooner or later, all of us must see that negative feelings
toward another person is like tossing dust at him while the
wind blows against us. It all comes back. This is not merely
a moralistic teaching or Sunday school lesson; it is a basic
and inescapable Law of Life.

Vernon Howard, Psycho-Pictography, p. 168

Tucson Shooting

(It’s taken me a few days to bring my thoughts together. This post will be a bit longer than usual.)

This weekend in Tucson we were struck by an incredible tragedy, the shooting outside of a grocery store where congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords held a “Congress on your Corner” event.  6 dead and 14 wounded. The past few days in Tucson have been somber, and subdued… the aftermath of mass murder in a small city.

In our shock, we all suddenly remember that we’re hanging here in this life by a thread, that death could strike any of us at any time, in the most violent of ways.

The effect on the community is palpable. Out and about, on campus, in restaurants and coffee shops, even in traffic, I’ve noticed more eye contact, more chit chat, more patience, more meaningful interactions.

This tragedy will fade to eventually become another vaguely remembered headline of extreme violence. For now, it feels like a powerful, collective mediation on mortality. An awareness of what’s really important, expressions of love, support and care.

There is also the inevitable talk in terms of good and evil, the good guys vs. the bad guys. Of course, we all ask, what can be done about this?? For me, I have to look at how I am contributing to the negativity, fear, anger, the evil. My contribution to negativity may be a small, ‘normal’ amount, but I cannot see another way. I have to clean up my part of it, if I hope to experience and inspire true change in others and the community.

Reading the words of my Teachers brings comfort and intensifies my commitment to practice in response to the violence. I’d like to share a passage with you written by my primary Teacher, James Wood.

From The Path of Awakening from the chapter ‘Action’ in the section on violence (2007, p. 108).

Recognition of Truth ends violence because there is no conflict in it. Violence and war are at the root caused by resistance to Reality. The world exists as a conflict between Reality and what the mind thinks Reality should be. If you can see that you are actively fighting Reality, you can stop doing it. That is the beginning of world peace. Begin by noticing how your anger is caused by resistance to what is, creating an unpleasant feeling ranging from mild irritation to full-blown fury.

Violence begins in you as turbulent emotions such as annoyance, irritation, frustration, and anger that are severe forms of resistance. Annoyance, irritation and frustration are low-grade forms of anger, and rage is violent, explosive anger. These feelings often lead to some kind of destructive action, such as physical violence against a person or angry speech. All violent actions, even words or harsh movements, are harmful to others. Notice that any form of discordant feeling in you is a form of violence. Notice if your movements become angular and sudden. If so, violence is brewing in you. Observe that, when you get angry, you are contributing to violent energy on the planet. If you really want to contribute to world peace, find the cause of your own anger and eliminate it. Then you can be a cause of peace.

In his talk “The cure for evil is consciousness” James speaks about the critical importance of acknowledging violence in ourselves:

To really be struck by it, and to say on some level, I can’t live like this. I can’t afford to. The world is a cesspool of violence and I’m tired of being a part of it, contributing to it. Perhaps by small spoonfuls, and yet, still contributing.

Blessing, peace, hope and healing to all whose lives have been affected by the tragic shooting in our beautiful Tucson on Saturday.

I would love to hear from you, dear readers and friends on the path.

Happy New Year!!

Happy 2011 Cliffhanger readers!

Thank you for your visits and comments!

 

You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

-Jesus

Recipe for Disaster – Main Ingredients: should, want and need

The unawakened state is characterized by resistance or this shouldn’t be happening. Suffering is caused by a split between Reality and what you think it should be. When what is happening and what you think should be happening are different, you suffer. To the degree that you energize what you think should be happening in opposition to what is happening, you experience the pain of unconsciousness, like steel plates grinding against each other.

How do you know what should be happening? Look around; it’s happening.

There is nothing you can do about it.

In addition to a should, resistance can also be expressed as a want or a need: this shouldn’t be happening then becomes I want this not to be happening or I need this not to be happening. If what I want to be happening or what I need to be happening is different from what actually is happening, I generate pain and unconsciousness. For example, consider the following statements: “It should be raining.” “I want it to rain.” “I need it to rain.” If it’s not raining, attaching to these thoughts hurts. In the awakened state, I recognize that what should be happening, what I want to be happening, and what I need to be happening are all the same thing.”

-  The Path of Awakening by James Wood (2007 p. 188)

I love these words. All the Teachers I study say this same thing in different ways. This is what it comes down to. The main ingredients in the Recipe for Disaster* are: shoulds, wants and needs. Believe the thoughts are true, mix it up…  and out comes dissatisfaction.

According to the mind, things very, very rarely happen in the right way at the right time. The mind perceives that it is threatened and thinks it can remedy the situation by getting more  -  more affirmation, more attention, more acceptance, more understanding, more forgiveness, more stuff, better stuff…  It feels if it could just get its needs met, it would be ok. But because it tends to perceive lack, the self is convinced that its needs are not being met, and it misses the beauty in surrender, in Reality. It misses a lot of things, believing the ‘wants’ and ‘needs’ are valid, appropriate, true, and worth fighting for, damn it.

Add some inquiry to the mix, and the Recipe for Disaster will be completely ruined. I tried this yesterday. I added some inquiry and the whole thing – all the swirling wants and needs – dissolved and turned into a little slice of freedom. Can you taste it? Who is this that wants this and needs that?

*see Byron Katie’s Loving What Is

Questions for readers:

Do you find it painful to believe thoughts that say ‘this shouldn’t be happening’? What do you do with stressful thought patterns? Has inquiry been useful in your life?

Last Talk in Tucson | James Wood Teachings

Last Talk in Tucson | James Wood Teachings.

Tonight is James’ last scheduled talk in Tucson for a while… I hope to see lots of you there!   7pm at The Little Chapel of All Nations on U of A campus.

<3

‘The whole existence is a church’

“So many religions are there because so many people are unhappy. A happy person needs no religion; a happy person needs no temple, no church — because for a happy person the whole universe is a temple, the whole existence is a church. The happy person has nothing like religious activity because his whole life is religious.”

-Osho

It seems to me that religions proper are a set or structure of un-questioned thoughts that lots of people believe all together. It is very difficult to contact the essential, original teaching under all the accumulated satellite beliefs, dogmas and superstitions.

To me, Christianity, at least the midwestern USA protestant version I grew up in, feels like a culture. There are assumptions, attitudes, beliefs, ways of speaking, thinking, dressing and acting that are collectively understood as acceptable. There are appropriate ways of doing things according to the cultural norms, and these norms are spiritualized as ‘what god wants us to do’.

Questions for readers:

• What does religion mean to you?
• Do you agree with Osho’s words above?
• Are you religious?
• If you are not religious, were you ever? How and why did you leave your religion?

Gratitude

“Practice gratitude for all you have, especially for what serves your growth in consciousness. Take moments throughout the day to reflect on the blessings you have received in life that have led to this point. The practice of gratitude tends to instill humility, a condition that is favorable for awakening. It also leads to joy and faith. If you are grateful for what you have, regardless of how little it may seem, more will be given to you, and you will also be more likely to use what you have for noble purposes.”

-James Wood Stelzenmuller The Path of Awakening (2007) p.84-85

Inquiry

My mind generates a lot of thoughts about how other people should behave. It doesn’t feel good to believe such thoughts because it is very rare that people do what I think I want them to do  :)

What feels good to me is questioning my thinking and breaking (or at least loosening) the attachment to thoughts like: people should be nice, people should be fair, he should understand me, she should like me, I’m not good enough.

Is it true? Is it true?

When I do the Work of Byron Katie, it feels good, something in me, my whole body-mind-soul-self-true nature, says ‘yes!’, sigh of relief, and I want more of it!

What is your experience with inquiry?

Happy Halloween!

Today I’m asking myself, how is my psychic space haunted? Which past hurts or false ideas do I cling to so fiercely that what I perceive in the present is threatening, distorted, and creepy? How am I scaring myself by telling and believing the ‘I, me, mine’ stories?

“You know, most haunted houses aren’t haunted until someone walks inside it. (Laughter)  We do the haunting ourselves and don’t know it. You’d better remember that little figure of speech so you won’t make the same mistake again.”

from a talk given 3/8/1992
Vernon Howard‘s Higher World – MP3 CD Volume 33, talk 823

For a great, no-nonsense, smack-down talk about fear, haunting, scary mental demons, ghosts and goblins please see:

A talk by Vernon Howard given on 01-05-85

Happy Halloween!

Love

One of my practices is working with the koan of love.

I ponder it. It washes  onto the shore of my consciousness.

It moves into, around and under all I think I might know, turning everything over in its quiet current.

It sinks in, sneaks in, quiet, there where the stones are not yet land and the water is not yet sea.

-

Adi Da on love and fear:

Love Does Not Fail For You When You Are Rejected or Betrayed or Apparently Not Loved. Love Fails For You When You Reject, Betray, and Do Not Love… Therefore, The Most Direct Way To Know Love in every moment is To Be Love in every moment.

-

The emotional (or emotional-sexual) Career Of egoity Tends To Manifest As A Chronic Complaint That Always Says, By Countless Means, “You Do Not Love me.” This Abusive Complaint Is, Itself, The Means Whereby the egoic individual Constantly Enforces his or her Chronic Wanting Need To Reject, Avoid, or Fail To Love others. Indeed, This Complaint Is More Than A Complaint. It Is A self-Image (The Heart-Sick or self-Pitying and Precious Idea That “I” Is Rejected) and An Angry Act Of Retaliation (Whereby others Are Punished For Not Sufficiently Adoring, pleasurizing, and Immortalizing the Precious ego-”I”).

-

Fear is the self-Contraction. The self-Contraction (or the ego-”I”) is The Root-Action (or Primal Mood) That Is Fear. Therefore, All Of The self-Preserving, self-Glorifying, and other-Punishing Efforts Of the ego-”I” (or the self-Contracted body-mind) Only Preserve, Glorify, and Intensify Fear Itself.

-
Fear, the ego-”I”, Un-Love, or The Total Ritual Of self-Contraction Must Be Understood and Transcended. All Of Fear, egoity, self-Contraction, or Un-Love Is Only Suffering. It Is Only Destructive. And It Is Entirely Un-Necessary.

From ‘The Wound of Love’ by Adi Da in The Dawn Horse Testament of the Ruchira Avatar.  See full text here.

 

Talk tonight with James Wood

For more information about attending a talk, please go to this link:

James Wood talk tonight in Tucson…

Subtle glimpses of magic…

Part Three: truth and Truth

Part One of this 3 part series was a look at the question: Do you suffer? using the First Noble Truth from Buddhism: Life is suffering, or dissatisfaction.  Part Two was an exploration of the question: Can suffering/dissatisfaction end completely?  Part Two and a Half had to be written, and it briefly addressed the idea that the end of suffering = the end of the mind, which is a highly problematic view, in my view.  (For more on that, please see ‘Sanity’ by James Wood.)

I don’t claim to know anything.  I’m happy to debate, respectfully.  What I offer in this blog is the understanding of The Teaching on freedom from suffering that I have arrived at by asking my primary Teacher lots of questions and studying my secondary Teachers.

That brings us to Part Three: truth and Truth.  It is useful to be able to discriminate between relative truth and Absolute Truth.

For example, if someone is thirsty and he asks me for water, I do not say, ‘oh, nah, you’re confused, ‘water’ is just a word.’  Yes, ‘water’ is just a word, in an Absolute sense, but it refers to something in the world of relative experience that can help the person who is thirsty.  I know what ‘water’ refers to.  I don’t know what it ultimately is.

This gets a bit trickier when we talk about ‘spiritual’ stuff.  ‘Truth’ is just a word, but it refers to something that helps.  Awake teachers encourage us to find and express what is true in our relative experience, (are you dissatisfied?) while pointing us to the Absolute Truth of freedom that is beyond what words can capture.

Absolute Truths are statements made from the perspective of awakened (enlightened) consciousness about the nature of Reality – statements like ‘Truth is all there is’ or ‘the world is an illusion’.  Liberated individuals speak like this because they are firmly planted in the awake state, out of the nightmare of dissatisfaction.  Absolute Truths are helpful because they lead us somewhere.  (The map is not the destination.)

True Teachers are able to switch between speaking from the perspective of Absolute Truth (it’s just a dream you’re having) and the perspective of relative truth (are you thirsty? would you like a glass of water?

Absolute Truths are used dishonestly quite often.

What I mean by that is – if I were to use statements of Absolute Truth it would be dishonest because I am not spiritually awake.

[I can say, honestly, that I have a strong intuition and I accept, intellectually, that the end of all dissatisfaction is possible.  I can repeat what True Teachers say or discuss my interpretation of what they say.]

 

 

 

When I am angry, for instance, that is the (relative) truth, in that moment.  It would be dishonest for me to react to the anger with an Absolute Truth like ‘Truth is what I am’ or ugh, ‘This anger is the truth.  I am already free’.

No. For me, anger is an (level of the nightmare) issue, so I employ relative truth.  I find the source of the anger – thoughts about what I want that I’m not getting, usually.

Then, I recall the Teaching – anger is fueled by attachment to ‘what I want’ and then, deeper, attachment to thoughts like ‘I shouldn’t feel angry.  I don’t want to feel angry now or ever again.’

Until judgment of What Is does not drive me, I’m not free and I cannot speak as if I am.

3 Part series summary:

• It’s useful to notice if you are dissatisfied.
• Dissatisfaction is unnecessary – it can end it, completely.
• Absolute Truths are statements made from the perspective of Awakened consciousness and are sometimes mistakenly used to deny what is true in relative experience.

When a seeking mind finds what it seeks, it feels its reward.  This means that if you have a seeking spirit you want to find something other than your present level.  That very right sincere wish will lead you to the recognition of that higher state when it appears and presents itself to you.  Because there is a matching of your wish and the fulfillment of that wish, there is what we commonly call an inspiring feeling.  Just like when you’re thirsty and have a drink of water there’s a certain satisfaction there.  You wanted the water.  you had the water and there is the reward.  However, when you have this experience of feeling good when having met a truth, you also feel that it’s not enough.  Let’s go very carefully into this now because the point is enormous.”

from a talk given 6/22/1988    Vernon Howard’s Higher World – Volume 21, talk 507

Part Two and a half: respectful discussion

The mind, rational thought, language and words, in and of themselves, are not a problem.  The mind and words are helpful when used appropriately, with an understanding that the map is not the territory.

Attachment to the mind is a problem.

“As the heart pumps blood, the mind pumps thoughts.  They’re going to arise, the question is, what is your relationship to those thoughts?”  James Wood

We cannot conceptualize the Absolute, however, that does not mean we ought to stop attempting to clearly, honestly articulate our experience and what we understand about the teaching so far.

I really enjoy connecting with others who are interested in finding out what’s true.  However, if you have been following the comments here, you may have noticed that the discussion can get unnecessarily snarky, even insulting.

For me, debate has great value -  the ones who disagree with me help me get clear about what I am saying by calling me out on illogical or confusing formulations.  It’s great!  It helps me think from different angles.  I am not trained in formal debate, but I am aware that there are standards – i.e. it’s not ok to make a claim that you cannot (or refuse to) back up with evidence.

For example, telling a writer that she is ‘using her mind’ is a pretty vague and unclear assertion.  First, how can you know that I am (only) using my mind?  Why do you think that?  Where is your evidence?  What does it mean when you say I am ‘using my mind’?  What are you accusing me of?  What exactly is the problem?  And come on now, no thank you to insulting remarks.

There is a saying I like, ‘the truth is no respecter of persons’.  I don’t do the ‘it’s all good’ thing very well and I won’t congratulate you for being confusing.  I like clear, direct communication (even though I am not always good at it).  I am writing to share my experience of what it is like to study directly with a True Teacher.  And I am here because I am very interested in how you live and understand the teaching on freedom from suffering.

If you say something that doesn’t make sense to me, I will ask for clarification.  I may ask a question about something that is very obvious to you.  I am not the sharpest person around.  You may have to repeat yourself or say it a different way.

If I ask a question or call you out on something, please know I am sincerely trying to understand (with all my faculties) what you are saying and why.   And if you do not give clarification, or still do not make sense, I won’t agree with you.

Recently, I asked a question on another blog and my question was deleted.  I don’t know what happened with that, it could have been a technical glitch, but if the writer deleted my question because he didn’t want to  explain what he was saying, I am not impressed.  It strikes me as unethical to put out information (or opinion), especially in this venue, if you are not willing to answer to questions about it.

For this blog, I assure you, I want to know if you don’t understand what I write.  I will respond to you to the best of my ability (and we still may not understand each other, and that’s ok).

I do not claim to have all the answers and I am more than happy to hash it out, respectfully.  I am willing to be wrong about anything I say.  What I offer here is the understanding I have come to by way of asking my primary teacher lots of questions and studying other teachers’ expressions of the teaching on freedom from suffering.

Part Two: Can suffering end completely?

The last post was about the First Noble Truth in Buddhism: life is suffering.  ‘Suffering’ is the commonly used English translation of the Sanskrit word dukkha.  I agree with Triangulations blogger that dukkha is more accurately translated as ‘unsatisfactoriness’ or ‘dissatisfaction’.

In my experience, dissatisfaction occurs when I attach to the thought, ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ in reaction to whatever is happening.

Can suffering end completely?  Here is what I have learned about that:

While I don’t claim to know anything, I offer a synthesis of what I  have learned from personal conversations with my teacher, and from studying other sources I trust.

When an individual becomes fully awakened spiritually, that individual stops generating dissatisfaction for him/herself.  Awakening means there is no attachment to ‘I, me and my story’, and dissatisfaction stops.  Completely.

That does not mean that suffering stops for other people.  There are terrible, horrible abuses and injustices happening in the world all the time.  The awake person is not blind to the suffering of others or immune to physical pain.  The awake person is simply not contributing to the incessant noise of dissatisfaction, and therefore is able to help other people who are still dissatisfied.

True awakening, true and complete freedom from dissatisfaction, is extremely rare.  The end of dissatisfaction is possible, but if it ends for you, chances are, it will continue for others, so in that sense, it is not over.

The awake person lives for the purpose of helping people who want to wake up.  In order to relate to others, depending on the context, the awake person may seem to be very ‘normal’ or very ‘eccentric/otherworldly’.

Finding a True Teacher can be the end of seeking and the beginning of the end of dissatisfaction if you allow yourself to be guided.

Part One: Do you suffer?

Hello Dear Readers,

In order to follow up on the discussion from the last post on truth, I will be posting a three-part series over the next week or so.   Thank you for being here.  Your comments are very welcome!

Suffering, truth and Truth:  Three Part Series

Part one:  Do you suffer?

One of the purposes of this blog is to connect with others who are interested in freedom from suffering and so it’s important to get clear about what we mean by suffering.

If you are thinking, ‘What is she going on about suffering for?  I’m not suffering.  Life is good,’  I’m not going to attempt to convince you that you are suffering.  Although I do see great value in paying attention to whether or not you are.

Buddhism is based on Gautama’s enlightenment, his awakening to freedom from suffering.  From the Buddha, we have the Four Noble Truths:

• Life is suffering
• The origin of suffering is attachment
• The cessation of suffering is attainable
• The path to the cessation of suffering

When I first heard the Four Noble Truths, I felt very strongly that I had found a spiritual home.  At the same time, I also thought – I cannot be suffering when there are people in the world being tortured, starving, homeless,  sick, etc.  I wouldn’t dare say I was suffering when I contemplated the suffering of those less fortunate than myself.

But I wanted to check out the First Noble Truth.  I asked myself, is it true, life is suffering?  For me?  What does it mean to suffer?  The Buddha pointed out sickness, death, loss and poverty as kinds of suffering that we humans will typically face in a lifetime.  I located suffering in myself in the form of stress, anxiety, fear, dissatisfaction and just plain old excruciating existential pain.

Perhaps it sounds gutsy or self-centered to claim suffering, given that I live in one of the most affluent countries in the world, given that I enjoy good health, access to education and good relationships.  The view that life is suffering does not mean that I don’t feel extremely grateful my situation.  I do notice the sunset is beautiful.  And I don’t go around gloomy and brooding and upset all the time.

So why would focusing on suffering be useful?  Why not just be happy and focus on the good stuff?

In order to do something about suffering in the world at large, I have to start with how I am participating in it.  It’s really important to note that the cause of suffering that I experience has the same cause as the extreme suffering experienced by others.  The cause is (Second Noble Truth) attachment to ‘I, me and mine’, a pervading sense of ‘I don’t like this’.  (I wrote about this in a prior post, and will probably write more about it in future)

Accepting the First Noble Truth reminds me of the idea that you don’t have to hit bottom before you can start to do something about your situation.  You can see the long term trajectory of your particular brand of suffering, and raise the bottom to meet you by cultivating a heightened awareness of it, even if you don’t experience hunger, violence or physical limitations.

Please stay tuned for the next post on why we do not stop at ‘life is suffering’, and the importance of recognizing the difference between relative and absolute truth.

Desire for truth… is it a problem?

Today I’m picking up a topic that was mentioned recently over on a blog I like.

I sometimes hear people in Buddhist circles talking themselves out of wanting to know the truth… or suggesting it’s somehow wrong to entertain even the possibility of getting enlightenment…  because of the desire issue.

Maybe this is not a sticking point for most of you, but I have certainly struggled with it.

So the question is:   If desire is the cause of suffering, is the desire for truth a problem?  Is the desire to get enlightenment and help all beings a problem?

This is (my paraphrased version of) how my teacher answers these questions:

Desiring truth is like really fiercely wanting to sit in the chair you are sitting in.  The desire cannot cause suffering because you are sitting in the chair you’re sitting in.

Desire for truth does not arise in the same (painful) way as desire for things that are not happening.  It’s not a problem to want what already is the case.  And truth is already the case.  It hurts when you argue with the truth, it does not hurt when you want what is true.

Arguing with truth sounds like:  ‘I want what I don’t have’ or ‘I don’t want what I have’ or ‘I want things to be different in the future’ or  ’2+2=5′.

While recognizing truth sounds like:  ‘I don’t know what needs to happen’ or  ‘I want to be exactly where I am, doing this, feeling exactly what I feel’          and… it’s already done.

Truth is…what is revealed when you remove everything that is false.  Truth is what you are.

To awaken, you must strive to live in accord with Truth – as much as you can – until you awaken to the fact that you are it.

Wanting what you have is not desire because radical acceptance of what is satisfies desire before it can exist.

-James Wood The Path of Awakening (2007)  p. 2, 16, 138

Here’s a related article by Zen Master Seung Sahn:  What is Zen?

What are your thoughts on this?

The Game of Life: Who’s playing?

“True freedom and the end of suffering is living in such a way as if you had completely chosen whatever you feel or experience at this moment.  This inner alignment with now is the end of suffering.”

-Eckhart Tolle

—

“Life is simple.  Everything happens for you, not to you.  Everything happens at exactly the right moment, neither too soon nor too late.  You don’t have to like it… it’s just easier if you do.”

-Byron Katie

—

“What you truly need may not be what you think you need.”

-James Wood

—

I never made any plans-
the Plan is there
and we can fit in
with joyous ease
and delightful uncertainty.

-Shunyata Emanuel Sorenson

—

I like movies.  A lot.  Have you seen The Game?  It’s way high on my list of favorites.

So, Michael Douglas’ character signs up to play a very mysterious game – there seem to be no rules, no boundaries and no objectives.  Or, he is not told what the point is when he signs up to play.

The Game is different for each player, and the rules change continuously, depending on the player’s responses and reactions.  Once a player has committed to the game, it does not stop… until… well, writing too much about it will spoil the effect for those of you who haven’t seen it   :)

—

“Awakening is Truth-recognition.  It is not an experience, state, or form of anything you can mentally know.  The path of awakening involves finding false ideas, or lies, and seeing their falseness.  When you see their falseness, you see truth.  To find truth you have to be a detective.  You have to notice that things don’t add up, like a bad alibi.”

-James Wood The Path of Awakening (2007) p. 2-3

Who’s playing?   ;)

Bones

—

“Reality stands out, utterly free of all that arises, and yet not distinguishable over against any thing or state that arises.  Then consciousness is lifted out of that image of barriers created by skull and skin.”             – Adi Da, Heart-Master Da Love-Ananda

I hold the bones of your head in my hands.
The bones of my hands hold the bones of your hands.
I hold the bones of your feet in my hands.

The moon rises.  We wait.
I see me watching you swim.
I walk you in my feet.
I live you in my bones.
You breathe.  I listen.

There is no preparation for,
no modification
of this.
We are, only now, emptied of stories,
skulls useless, stripped of skin.

—

aw

Have you met a teacher of spiritual awakening?

Have you met or studied in person with any of the teachers listed in the sidebar of the home page here?  I would love to hear from you if you have!!

It is exciting to see ‘spiritual awakening’ become a more commonplace interest.  Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle seem to be the most popular voices right now; they both present the teaching in a way that jives with living a typical modern life.

If you are familiar with Byron Katie and Eckhart Tolle, probably you have wondered, as I have – what was it like to be with these teachers before they got famous?    How did they teach before they were booking huge, sold-out venues?  Who were their first students?

Perhaps our task of discernment is easier with teachers who already have an established following of relatively intelligent, ‘normal’ people (whatever that means :)

Perhaps it’s easier to recognize teachers who have published books and videos because we can digest the message from a distance.  We can sit back, comfortable in our own homes, and run the material through our BS detectors.  We can check to see if it’s the same message (different expression/terminology) given by the true teachers we already recognize.  We can check to see if the inner teacher says, “yes!”

But before Eckhart Tolle wrote The Power of Now, and before Byron Katie wrote Loving What Is,  I wonder… how did people respond to them?  What was it like to be with them?

Here is a written interview in which Byron Katie talks about the early days after her ‘transition’.  And a super fun video interview with Eckhart Tolle on Canadian TV show The Hour.  In it, Eckhart talks about his childhood.

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I started a Twitter account today… let’s connect if you are there too!

Inception

If you haven’t seen Inception yet, you’re in for a treat.  I like movies that help us question reality.  Inception is my new favorite.  It gives a great visual atmosphere of how it feels to do the work of growth in consciousness in service to awakening.  It’s a wild adventure and things are not ever what they seem to be.

Here are some excerpts from ‘Working with Dreams’ in Chapter 8 of  The Path of Awakening:

Let your dreams wake you up.  Let them show you patterns hidden beneath the surface of your awareness or illuminate ongoing issues… Let them shock you into a new awareness… On a deep level, we all share the same dreams…

Life is like a dream…The foundation of the dream is a lie of independent existence.  Your dream is the one you are having now, a dream of life and death, parading in an endless cycle.”

James Wood Stelzenmuller.  The Path of Awakening (2007)  pp. 219-222

And now for a little writing in response to Inception:

Doing this work feels a lot like diving into dreams within dreams.  This work is a commitment to go straight toward the most heavily guarded content in our psyche.  It is a commitment to find the deeply planted ideas that form the architecture of ‘me’.

This work is about finding the locked safe in the basement.  Inside the safe, the symbol of the idea sits quietly – the idea that defines and drives ‘me’.  When the safe starts to open, the whole building, and the landscape in which it stands, starts to crumble.

Learning not to react to the surface level drama is what allows us to move deeper.

The next impossible task is:  to not react when the whole landscape starts to warp and unravel, to not react when the guards bring out bigger guns.  This is when it is critical to stick close to a teacher, or teachers, who can navigate the crumbling terrain because they have been there.

Stress

I got interested in this teaching because I was stressed, and distressed.

I appreciated all the comforts, privileges and pleasures I had in my life, but I could never shake the underlying sensation of dissatisfaction.  (I also felt guilty for feeling dissatisfied, because I had the comforts and privileges.)  I tried to talk myself out of the dissatisfaction.  I worked jobs in social services.  Nothing seemed to help.  I have a serious case of The Dreaded Gom-Boo.

Some may say that stress is just a part of life, that it is wise to just accept it and treat the symptoms – with humor, philosophy, religion, alcohol, etc.  For me, ignoring the haunting dissatisfaction (or temporarily covering it up) has never worked.  I want to get to the bottom of it.

When I discovered this teaching, I learned that I do not have to continue living with stress.

I learned that it is extremely important to focus my attention precisely on the sensation of dissatisfaction, not to avoid it.  It was important to get serious about examining it.

I learned that there are people, even people living now, in modern times and situations, who are free of suffering.  And they are not sitting around enjoying their own personal contentment.  Pain continues to arise in others, so they are busy teaching.  It’s like in action movies, when the heroes fall in love – they do not, will not, stop to enjoy the honeymoon.  They have more people to save, more villains to defeat, and they just keep going, hardly missing a beat, in love and fighting the good fight.

This is a great talk, recently posted on James Wood’s website, that addresses the importance of witnessing the stressful self-contraction without judgment.

The Dreaded Gom-Boo

In the last post, I talked about meditation as medicine.  Yesterday a friend handed me a copy of:  The Dreaded Gom-Boo or The Imaginary Disease that Religion Seeks to Cure. A Collection of Essays and Talks on the “Direct” Process of Enlightenment by Da Free John.

This material is really fantastic, as is all of Adi Da’s work.  I’ll quote some of what really struck me here.

From  Chapter 2, Tell me True – Have You Got the Gom-Boo? by Da Free John

“We start out naively seeking to know and to experience as a way of becoming expansive and happy and ultimately fulfilled.  But our search does not become Happiness.  The more we know and experience, the less happy we are as a general tendency,  because we are qualifying the presumption of Being the more we experience, the more we know, the more we observe in the conventional sense, the more we analyze and see how we are functioning and how Nature works.  Thus, people come to a point of weakness and despair, a feeling of bondage, as a result of the egoic elaboration of their possibilities, and they approach the Sources of Truth, communicated through religious and spiritual culture, as if seeking a cure for this dilemma, this Dreaded Gom-Boo, that is the basis of traditional religious culture.

In truth, the religious or spiritual process has nothing at all do to with the Dreaded Gom-Boo or its cure. It has nothing to do with the disease you want to make the premise of the spiritual process. The first thing you must do when you truly become involved in the process associated with Truth is to understand, and, immediately, directly, presently, to transcend the disease that you seek otherwise to cure. The pursuit of the cure of the disease is the same activity as the one whereby you first acquired the disease. It is a version of the disease, something you do because you are diseased. It is not another process than disease. At most it involves a different relationship to the disease. Whereas previously you unwittingly did everything that compounded the disease, now you want to do everything to get rid of it. The search for the cure is still another way of being diseased. It is not the Way of Truth. It is not the Way that I Teach. It is not true religion or true spirituality. True religion, true spirituality, is the process that takes place when you are already well, when you are in your Native position, when you are established in Truth, Happiness or Reality.

The spiritual process is to understand how you contracted this disease, understand the mechanics of your presuming it always in this present moment so that in every present moment you will be established in the Free Position, the Position of Happiness, Truth, or the presumption of Being. The spiritual process, then becomes the magnification of non-disease, prior Happiness, the prior presumption.”

Da Free John. The Dreaded Gom-Boo. (1983). The Johannine Daist Communion. pp. 44-45

Not all good

For me, being a student of the teaching on freedom from suffering is not about affirming the idea that ‘all is one’ or ‘it’s all good’. It is not all good, and this work reveals how not good it is.

Meditation does not exactly feel good to me. It never really has. It feels like taking medicine. It does not feel like an escape or a relief. In meditation, I do not reach states where I would like to reside permanently. There is no bliss or ‘stream-entry’ happening here.

The light of brighter awareness reveals psychological and emotional content that is not pleasant. It shows me how fiercely I am clinging to a sense of self that is always dissatisfied and threatened. It shows me how much I live in repetitive thoughts about ‘me and my problems’, regrets, hopes, schemes and plots. It shows me how little I trust. That’s how the medicine works. If it feels good in any way, it’s when I note that it is doing what it’s supposed to do.

Being close to an awakened teacher is like taking the strongest dosage of the medicine available, plus some, times ten billion.  I am told that the sense of dissatisfaction gets much louder and more intolerable before it lets go.  It’s pretty loud and intolerable at the moment.

Who are these teachers of spiritual awakening?

One of the many benefits of getting to know James before he wrote his book and got busy teaching was the time we spent discussing the teachers who influenced him when he was a student.

James has an extensive collection of audio tapes, CDs and literature written by awakened individuals.  In those early days we would spend hours watching videos, listening to talks and reading excerpts from the books.  We talked about the material at length.  At first, I was skeptical of every one of these individuals.  I was fond of the Zen tradition of transmission, in which a teacher receives permission to teach from his or her superior, usually after decades of formal practice.   Most of the teachers James introduced me to had not received formal transmission of any sort.  They spoke on their own authority, using their own terms, about awakening.

Listening to the first borrowed audio talk in my car driving home from James’ house, my skepticism flew out the window.  (As I recall, it was a tape of Bryon Katie leading people through The Work… )  I borrowed more material and couldn’t keep my head out of the books.  All these teachers were saying the same thing, in their own terms, in their own ways!  But the message was the same message, and the same root teaching of Zen – life is suffering and there is a way out.  As Byron Katie says, “you are the cause of your suffering, but only all of it.”  This was great news.

I noticed several things as I learned about these teachers.  I noticed that they do not rely on religious traditions, texts or systems.  They may refer to passages in religious texts or use certain rituals, but they communicate only from the authority of their own personal and direct realization.  They speak spontaneously in response to their immediate surroundings, listeners and life circumstances.  Talks do not have the tone of a planned lecture.  In general, there is not a course of study or step by step plan of attainment.  There may be guidelines or mile-markers that students tend to notice along the way, but the mile-markers are not stages of enlightenment, just the possible results of applying certain practices.

In my studies, I did not hear these teachers say – you are already free,  there is nothing you need to do.  There is no denial that we are suffering anxiety, stress, fear, anger and the whole spectrum of negative emotions.  They say, freedom is our birthright, or natural state, and we cannot do anything search-wise to find it.  True freedom comes by grace, and, we can take steps that develop a stronger psychological/physical/emotional/social vessel that is able to contain and express that natural state.  Practices like meditation and inquiry help me.  I am not spiritually awake, but there is progress that I feel as less density and a relief from the sense of dis-ease.

Access to the work of a variety of persons living and expressing the awakened state grew my hope and determination to keep going.  At first exposure, I felt the light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter and over time I feel my ‘self’ getting lighter.

 

The end of suffering

First Post

This is the first post on my First Blog Ever! I started this blog because I have been feeling like it’s time to come out of the closet a bit about my spiritual journey and experiences. I have been a student on the Path of Awakening formally for the past 6 years and I have been pretty quiet about the process thus far. Here are a few of the reasons why I have been keeping it on the DL:

- Because I am still a student, not awake yet myself, I have tended keep quiet so as not to contribute to confusion on the topic.

- I imagine what I would have thought of all this stuff back in the day and I anticipate the reaction/criticism of friends, family and other people.

- The spiritual teacher-student relationship is a fairly misunderstood relationship in our culture so it has felt easy/smart to not say much about it.

Really, those and all the many reasons/excuses for keeping quiet about what is important to me just boil down to… fear. Now here I am blogging about it, so I must be getting over it!

Stronger than the fear, is the inclination to share. In doing this work, I have felt a definite growth in consciousness over time and significant, noteworthy shifts in awareness and ‘innerstanding’. I feel I have enough perspective to reflect on and speak about the usefulness of the teacher-student relationship. In a way, I’m here to say ‘it works if you work it… and you’re worth it!’ It feels like it’s time to reach out and connect with others who are interested.

The name Cliffhanger refers to an image from a talk given by my primary teacher, James Wood.